Saturday, April 23, 2016

Happy Birthday In Heaven,To My Son!

It's my son's first Birthday in Heaven !

I can only imagine what the afterlife is like. 
I want to  know how it is.
Can he see me?  Does anybody who goes to heaven
 get to come back and visit,
 as an angel, like in the movies? 
  Or as a spirit, or another person?  Or a cardinal?
Do they get to meet their loved ones who passed
 away before?  I want him to find his grandfather, 
and my grandmother, and his uncle.
Do they send signs to us  down here on earth? 
 I can't see any.
I only know I miss him. I am happy he no longer suffers, 
no longer hurts, and he is in perfect peace.
 God has made everything perfect for Gary now. 
 But I feel an ache, a deep hurt that comes over me sometimes.
  A lot of the time.
 It stops me, distracts me from my work, makes me sad, 
comes when I least expect it, never gets better.
 I have to learn to live with it.

I want to remember everything, and lots of the details
of my fondest memories have faded.

You close your eyes and try your damnedest to relive a special moment,
 but it won't come back clearly enough, and that makes you sad.
When your children are young you are struggling so hard
 to do everything, be everything for everybody.
 You're exhausted  and do not realize that these childhood
days are so fleeting, and one day you'll wish they were little again.
When they are grown, you wish you could go back in time.
 Wish you could do some things differently.
 Sorry for the ways you failed.  You know you did your best
but you wish you could have made everything perfect for your child.

I know that only God can do that, and now
he has made everything perfect.
 Now my son is gone, apart from me, but with God.
Gary is with the Lord, in paradise, made whole again.
So very grateful for the love that I  shared,
that I got to be his mother,
that I was blessed with 42 years with him.
I try and focus on precious memories
of the tender moments and the happy times.

Thinking of Gary, with all my love forever.

Love, Linda