Monday, February 6, 2017

Lost an old friend one year ago this week. I knew him since 7th grade.
Can't believe he's gone.    I felt so proud of his kids, as if I was related, but I'm not.
I felt so old thinking about his life being over.  He's my age- too young to die.


 I wanted to see him again, I looked forward to being with him at our 45th,
 and 50th class reunion.  I hope he knew how much he was loved and admired.
 My mother is losing her friends, but they are elderly.  We're not supposed to lose the young!
Every loss I face reminds me of my own loss,
 every funeral I attend   - I  relive my son's untimely death..

     Now their birthdays are near.  My friend's and my son's.   Birthdays in Heaven.
I know that's a better place, but I still have tears, and feel sad.
 I thought I would stop feeling so sensitive, like it just happened.
Why am I still weepy,  will it ever stop hurting?
           Because it changes you forever,
           and no,   it will not stop,  it will always hurt.

   Losing my son changes everything about my life,  everyday.
  It changes what I think about, what he would be doing, what I wish I had done,
 what plans I will make.  How I think about everybody else, how I respond to them.
Maybe I'm a little more serious, and I care more, and love a little deeper,
 Only thing I can do is go on.  Just one day at a time,
 living my life to the fullest, as best I can, dwelling in a place of hope. Spending lots of time
in wistful memories.  
 God promised life eternal for him, and me too!  He promised never to leave me alone.
I must continue. to think on all that is good and right in my life.
  That's what our loved ones want us to do.
I'm imagining that Gary is watching me, and I'm wanting him to smile and be proud.
Now as the leaf  buds are appearing and spring arrives, I think of Easter,
and Jesus' death and resurrection.  I think of renewal, and rebirth and  new beginnings,
fresh starts.
My son has a new life, new beginning, in a new place.  He is in God's care, with Jesus!
So with that reassurance,  I can go on and live my life here, cherish each day because life is too short.
Dear God, please restore me, refresh my spirit show me your purpose.  Life goes on, as the waves never stop coming in  crashing the shore. And I feel small and humble when I see the ocean,, but I feel your power and might, and know you are in control.



 I have hope, I'm looking forward.  Spring will come.
                                                                  Love, Linda

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